What I wish I’d been told at Graduation

As another school year comes to a close, my Facebook feed is filled with parents congratulating their children reaching the milestone of graduation. Today, children can graduate from kindergarten to seventh grade to whatever grade a school feels is a significant accomplishment. But high school graduation is the one that most people associate with the caps and gowns of graduation, and Wednesday night I attended the high school graduation of my first group of high school students.

Most graduation ceremonies are similar. Administrators and students deliver inspirational speeches about anything being possible and following your dreams. At the graduation I attended, the overwhelming message of the valedictorians was that anything was possible, the world was their oyster so to speak. And though our superintendent tried to temper the idealistic nature of the messages, ultimately graduation is about the promises of a great life.

It all sounds positive and optimistic, and hopefully many were inspired to do great things, but what happens when life begins to fall in on those dreams? Maybe if along with the inspirational speeches at my own graduation, I’d been cautioned on a few things, I would have headed into the real world with a different attitude.

What cautions should be given at such a momentous occasion though. I can think of a few I personally would have needed to hear. First, friendships require actual work when convenience disappears. Every day you’ve shared school experiences with your group of friends, but then that every day quality disappears. If you are lucky, you may prolong the growing apart by attending the same college, but eventually you will have a separate life, with different interests, and it will require effort to see your friends more than once a year, or worse at your high school reunion. Some of these friends will be worth the effort, but some will not. Do not let the ones who are worth it go. It is okay to let the ones who are not though; you will make other friends, who may not share your growing up experiences, but they will share your life experiences. Sometimes you will find friends in the unlikeliest places. You just need to be open to letting them in.

You will not want the same things ten years from graduation as you did that day you walked across the stage and believed you could do anything. Everything that you thought you wanted in your inexperience may not bring you happiness or you may figure out you don’t like those dreams at all when you achieve them. You will not disappoint your eighteen year old self by changing your mind. That self didn’t know any better. You do. Let it go.

Which brings me to, failure is a great teacher. Growing as a person doesn’t mean you succeed at everything you do. Learning who you are and how strong you really are only comes through dealing with the mistakes you make. Which means it is okay to fail. Don’t be afraid to admit you have failed and don’t hang on too long because you are afraid to admit you’ve failed. Life goes on and you can’t move on to something better until you’ve admitted you’ve failed.

Speaking of failures, people can change, but it doesn’t mean they will. More importantly, it isn’t your job to change anyone. You are only responsible to change yourself. People must want to change; you decide what you will tolerate and live with. If you can’t live with it, remember the above. Admit that you’ve failed in your experiment and move on because…

Time passes quickly. One moment you are eighteen with all possibilities open before you, the next you are 35 with responsibilities that hold you back. All those dreams you have will take a back seat if you get caught up with day to day life. If you really want to make them happen, you need to learn to pursue them relentlessly. Dreams don’t come true by sitting and waiting for opportunities to happen to you or for the people in your life to care about your dreams as much as you do and help make them happen. Ultimately, you are in control of what is done in the time you have.

Because when people say they wish they were back in high school, they don’t mean the heavy books, never ending homework, and social drama. They mean that feeling of unending possibilities. The feeling that anything could happen and everything is possible if you only go out and make it happen. It’s a longing for the time before responsibilities. It’s what every speech at graduation encourages, even though the speeches lack the cautions of how to avoid the pitfalls that most people fall into.

It’s probably just as well that graduation doesn’t go on and on with these precautions considering most eighteen year olds don’t listen to well-meaning advice anyway. But It’s nice to believe I would have listened to my own advice then. What do you wish you’d been told at graduation?