What I wish I’d been told at Graduation

As another school year comes to a close, my Facebook feed is filled with parents congratulating their children reaching the milestone of graduation. Today, children can graduate from kindergarten to seventh grade to whatever grade a school feels is a significant accomplishment. But high school graduation is the one that most people associate with the caps and gowns of graduation, and Wednesday night I attended the high school graduation of my first group of high school students.

Most graduation ceremonies are similar. Administrators and students deliver inspirational speeches about anything being possible and following your dreams. At the graduation I attended, the overwhelming message of the valedictorians was that anything was possible, the world was their oyster so to speak. And though our superintendent tried to temper the idealistic nature of the messages, ultimately graduation is about the promises of a great life.

It all sounds positive and optimistic, and hopefully many were inspired to do great things, but what happens when life begins to fall in on those dreams? Maybe if along with the inspirational speeches at my own graduation, I’d been cautioned on a few things, I would have headed into the real world with a different attitude.

What cautions should be given at such a momentous occasion though. I can think of a few I personally would have needed to hear. First, friendships require actual work when convenience disappears. Every day you’ve shared school experiences with your group of friends, but then that every day quality disappears. If you are lucky, you may prolong the growing apart by attending the same college, but eventually you will have a separate life, with different interests, and it will require effort to see your friends more than once a year, or worse at your high school reunion. Some of these friends will be worth the effort, but some will not. Do not let the ones who are worth it go. It is okay to let the ones who are not though; you will make other friends, who may not share your growing up experiences, but they will share your life experiences. Sometimes you will find friends in the unlikeliest places. You just need to be open to letting them in.

You will not want the same things ten years from graduation as you did that day you walked across the stage and believed you could do anything. Everything that you thought you wanted in your inexperience may not bring you happiness or you may figure out you don’t like those dreams at all when you achieve them. You will not disappoint your eighteen year old self by changing your mind. That self didn’t know any better. You do. Let it go.

Which brings me to, failure is a great teacher. Growing as a person doesn’t mean you succeed at everything you do. Learning who you are and how strong you really are only comes through dealing with the mistakes you make. Which means it is okay to fail. Don’t be afraid to admit you have failed and don’t hang on too long because you are afraid to admit you’ve failed. Life goes on and you can’t move on to something better until you’ve admitted you’ve failed.

Speaking of failures, people can change, but it doesn’t mean they will. More importantly, it isn’t your job to change anyone. You are only responsible to change yourself. People must want to change; you decide what you will tolerate and live with. If you can’t live with it, remember the above. Admit that you’ve failed in your experiment and move on because…

Time passes quickly. One moment you are eighteen with all possibilities open before you, the next you are 35 with responsibilities that hold you back. All those dreams you have will take a back seat if you get caught up with day to day life. If you really want to make them happen, you need to learn to pursue them relentlessly. Dreams don’t come true by sitting and waiting for opportunities to happen to you or for the people in your life to care about your dreams as much as you do and help make them happen. Ultimately, you are in control of what is done in the time you have.

Because when people say they wish they were back in high school, they don’t mean the heavy books, never ending homework, and social drama. They mean that feeling of unending possibilities. The feeling that anything could happen and everything is possible if you only go out and make it happen. It’s a longing for the time before responsibilities. It’s what every speech at graduation encourages, even though the speeches lack the cautions of how to avoid the pitfalls that most people fall into.

It’s probably just as well that graduation doesn’t go on and on with these precautions considering most eighteen year olds don’t listen to well-meaning advice anyway. But It’s nice to believe I would have listened to my own advice then. What do you wish you’d been told at graduation?

Beautiful Blogger Award

Thanks to my good friend Donna, http://mylife-in-stories.blogspot.com, my blog has been nominated for the “Beautiful Blogger” award. Her blog is homage to all things fitting a Southern Lady, and I’ve occasionally made an appearance within the stories. Being friends with a fellow writer is both thrilling and daunting. I always wait to see how our adventures will play out in her writing. Perspective is extremely important when reading about oneself.

The award includes the stipulation that I list five or so random things about me that you probably don’t know. (Of course this is difficult to come by if you read my blog. I do tend to say what’s on my mind regularly and expose all my flaws.) I’ll give it a try anyway.

1.       Patience is not one of my virtues. I do try (sometimes), but apparently it just isn’t in my genetic makeup. Everything needs to happen in my time and heaven help whoever slows the process down. I still attempt daily to have patience though.

2.       Messiness drives me crazy. I’m a fan of “everything in its place.” And everything has a place or I will find it one. Due to this one, I avoid my daughter’s room until just the thought of its messiness is too much, and then I spend the entire day trying to put everything back into its place (which contrary to what she believes, everything’s place is not the floor.)

3.       Music is my stress reliever. What can I say; with one and two, I need to have something to relieve the stress.

4.       I wear high heels every day which is what I’ve come to be known for, but most people don’t realize that I have just as many flip flops as heel (I’ll keep that exact number a secret.) I can either be found in one or the other, but never tennis shoes.

5.       I zone out…. Often. I maintain that my thoughts are ADD and focusing on one thing at a time is impossible for me. I have learned to drift in and out of a conversation and I have to assume I’ve picked up the right strain of the conversation when I return because chances are I will have just noticed your hair or shoes or some cool mannerism that I can add to a character in a later story.

But enough about me, I now have to bestow the award on a few other blogs.

http://www.blogher.com/frame.php?url=http://www.karilife.com

http://alicepyne.blogspot.com/

http://ididntchoosethis.blogspot.com/

http://tastefulsavorycreations.blogspot.com/2012/05/whats-for-breakfast-eggs.html

Home of the Dead

When sitting around a camp fire, one tends to associate ghost stories with the story of choice. There’s something about darkness, a dancing flame, and a good storyteller that is enthralling. One does not tend to associate history with these ghost stories, but many of them are filled with history. Not the history found in the textbooks in a history class, but the history of the people's culture. Though much of these stories are questionable in their elements of truth, much can be learned from these stories that are filled with drama, intrigue, and mystery. For this reason, I’ve always been fascinated with good ghost stories told by a well-practiced storyteller.

This fascination has led to the creation of my mystery series character Raleigh Cheramie who connects to the dead in the middle of dying. Listening to these ghost stories over the years has inspired me as I write about this fictional world of ghost connections. Writers often are told to write about what you know, and I've sought inspiration from all these tales.

I’ve found New Orleans to offer many opportunities to listen to good ghost storytellers. I’ve joined several tours with guides who’ve been inspired storytellers. This Saturday between rain storms, I finally did the cemetery tour and visit to local voodoo legend Marie Laveau’s tomb. This tour has been on my list of things to do for years, but it had never been moved to the top. As I’m working on the next Muddy series mystery though, ghosts are at the forefront of my mind. So in the spirit of not putting off what you can do today and all… the tour became the scheduled activity for the weekend.

St. Louis Cemetery Number 1 dates back to August 1789.

An Unmarked Tomb: The marking of three X's on Marie Laveau's tomb began with a tour guide as a tourist gimmick. Now, unmarked graves have been marked on in the attempts for visitors to have their wish come true.

This is the future resting place of actor Nichols Cage. He purchased two abandoned tombs and had this pyramid shaped tomb built.

This is the tomb of Homer Plessy, famous as the defendent in the Plessy v. Ferguson trial that began the "Separate but equal" law.

This is the famous Marie Laveau tomb. It is said that if you make three x's on the tomb, leave an offering, and turn around three times, your wish will come true. Writing on tombs is actually forbidden in the cemetery.

Up a Tree House Part II

In all the excitement of the tree house, I didn’t plan on one thing. The reaction. My son didn’t react as I expected to the tree house, and that initial reaction incited a reaction of my own that wasn’t pleasant.

His initial excitement of getting a tree house waned less than five minutes after seeing it. At minute six, he began to list all the things he found to be wrong with it. It was too small, it was too girly, it wasn’t what he wanted, etc.

I’ll admit that I lost it at his ungratefulness. Fine, I’d paint it pink and give it to his sister. This prompted him to tell his sister when we picked her up from school that she could have it.

Which, of course, cost him a lecture on how so many kids would be grateful to just have a tree house. I can’t be the only parent to ever use that argument, can I?

Fast forward twenty-four hours later to when he’s had time to think about it some more. I picked him up from school, and he tells me he’s changed his mind. He does want the tree house. I asked him what made him change his mind and his response was, “Because I probably won’t get another one.”

Probably? That would indicate there was a chance he’d get another one. There was no chance in hell that I was buying or putting together another tree house. Of course, the “good” mother part of me just nodded and said no, this would be the only tree house.

Then his grand plans for the tree house began. Now that he had accepted the tree house as is with all of its faults (I thought it was great myself), he had to plan out the details to make it completely his.

He made a shopping list.

You mean I’m not finished spending money on this thing? I now have to decorate the inside? Did I invest in a second house instead of a tree house in my backyard?

It may have been better when he didn’t like it.

Saturday I took him to the Dollar Store to check off the things on his shopping list. He bought rugs for the floor, a table for their things, a string of lights for the ceiling, small battery fans to ward off the heat, command strips to hang the lights, and let’s not forget the batteries. (We did and had to return for them.)

He hauled it all up the stairs (which on the first night he wouldn’t climb due to his fear of heights. He certainly got over that fear as now he is jumping off the top as I yell in protest.) The new decorations prompted an argument between brother and sister about how it was all for a boy and not a girl.

Go figure.