On July 12, 2002, I became a mother for the first time. I did it the same way I do everything else. I refused to go to Lamaze class or tour the hospital. I did a little reading in What to Expect When You’re Expecting, but then I decided I didn’t want to know.
I didn’t ask mothers how labor would be… I have issues with taking advice from anyone. I figured my son would make an appearance, and I’d figure out what I had to do then. It wasn’t like he could stay in there forever.
And true to that thinking, in all of his impatience he came three weeks early. I lived through the contractions, did what the doctor said, and was handed my son. No use worrying beforehand.
My daughter of course in her attitude of someone will do all the work for me, chose to wait and I had to be induced. Still, I did not prepare any more or less. I’d done it once and figured if it were different this time around, I’d figure it out.
I’m a planner, but not a worrier. If I can’t plan it out, then I believe it will all work itself out. This attitude has kept me sane through temper tantrums and hysterics.
What I have noticed about being a mother though is all the judgment that comes along with it. As we celebrate mother’s day, I can’t help but notice that it’s the only day of the year that the pressure feels off.
Whether you are a working or stay at home mom or a single or married mom, there seems to be no shortage of people who think you are doing it wrong.
As a new mom, I stressed constantly about if I was going to screw up this little person’s life. I thought if I focused on not making the same mistakes of my parents, I’d be okay. Of course, that meant I made my own, completely new mistakes.
Somewhere in the last few years, I’ve decided there is no perfect way. I’ve seen enough children as a teacher to know that it’s sort of like a game of cards. You play your best hand, and it’s up to chance how the cards turn out. All we really ever do is the best we can.
I may not do it the way others would like, but I’m still happy with the mother I am. So if I seem to not be listening as someone tells me that my children will suffer for whatever they think I’m doing wrong that day, it’s because I’m not. I’m too busy being the mom I believe my children need..
Great story. It brings to mind a story from when my children first started school. I was severely criticized for putting them in Catholic school. The opinion was that they should be in public school, in the real world. It is funny to see that these same people who so harshly criticized me have their children in the same Catholic school; not out in the "real" world. Instead of criticizing, they need to be asking themselves, "Do I spend time with my children or are they at my mother's?"
ReplyDelete