We should all be
concerned about the future because we will have to spend the rest of our lives
there. ~Charles F. Kettering
After several attempts, I was finally able to have my yearly
psychic appointment. I say finally because the first three appointments for
this year were cancelled for various reasons, none of them my own. As each
appointment was rescheduled my joke became that fate mustn’t want me to know
what was in store for me this year, but at the same time hoping that the reason
for denying me a glimpse wasn’t because it was just that horrible.
But on the forth try, the appointment finally went off
without incident. Or so to speak.
Many friends have commented that it seems crazy that I see a
psychic every year when I seem…. well, normal.
In answer, I must plead a personality fault. And it is
simply called a lack of patience. The list of things I don’t have patience with
is quite extensive. I don’t like surprises. I will read the ending of a book
first, especially if it is good, so that I don’t have to wait to see how it
turns out. I will read the ending of an article first. I also plan the ending
of my own books before I even consider the beginning. And the list goes on. So
it isn’t a far stretch to see that I don’t have patience to wait for the future
just to unfold, especially when much of my future feels undecided.
Several years ago, I didn’t have a need for a psychic. My
future felt decided, whether I liked the plan or not. The path of life was clear,
but since I didn’t like the plan, I shattered it into pieces. Problem solved.
You would think, but then I realized that now that there is no plan, I find I
don’t have the patience to wait for life to just happen.
Hence, my yearly psychic visits that give me some kind of
clue to the grand scheme of life… at least a little.
Three years ago when I visited for the first time, I needed
hope that I hadn’t broken something and doomed myself to failure. And I
received exactly that during my reading. Two years ago I needed reassurance that
I wasn’t screwing it all up, and that’s what my prediction offered then.
It would seem this year I needed a little self-evaluating
because my psychic appointment turned into more of a counseling session.
And what was I ultimately told this year?
That life is about choice and apparently it all comes down
to me. She told me that I needed to decide what I wanted and my future depended
on what choice I made. Of course, she also shared the choices I had and what
the outcome of each of those choices would be.
Well, what do you know? I’m in control, not fate. I go to a
psychic every year to be told what will happen, and apparently I hold the
future in my own choices. Hmmm… I think I knew that. I just didn’t want to know
it.
I wanted her to tell me that this is how the year would go,
so I could relax and not have to test my patience.
Not this time though.
Apparently I need to stop looking for the answers and choose
some of my own.
My friends may be relieved if I return to normal. Or not. My
close friends know how impossible that is.
